


A Hopping Good Time

by Marlingrl



Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Bad Dad Sparda, Gen, Humor, One Shot, Story in no way reflects author's feelings on rabbits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27951050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marlingrl/pseuds/Marlingrl
Summary: Dante has a slight demonic problem. Queue the DMC crew to help...or not?
Comments: 1
Kudos: 25





	A Hopping Good Time

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot I wrote a bit ago but haven't shared. It's a short humorous look at what to do with a large problem. Rating is for Dante's potty mouth and allusions to poor parenting on Sparda's part. Hope you enjoy!

Dante stood on the ridge shaking his head. He gave a deep sigh, looking at the sight below him. Hearing approaching footsteps, he looked up and his face broke into a bright smile. “Lady, you made it!”

Lady was frowning. “Yes I made it. Where the hell are we? This is the absolute boonies.”

“Yeah, we are aways out.”

“So what is it that I had to see?” Lady asked, arching an eyebrow.

Dante stepped aside and motioned to the edge of the cliff. “Take a peek.”

Lady stepped up and glanced down, her eyes widening. “Is that?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

Crashing could be heard in the underbrush nearby and it was getting closer. Both hunters turned to see Trish forcing her way through toward them. “Ugh, I HATE nature,” she huffed.

“Heya Trish,” Dante greeted. “Whatcha doin here?”

“I finished the job at the docks early and Patty told me you got a call about a giant demon.”

“Yeah, it’s pretty big,” Lady said, nodding her head toward the cliff side. “Check it out for yourself.”

Trish walked to the edge of the cliff and looked down. A perfected arched eyebrow raised. “Well that’s not something you see every day.”

Dante joined her. “Nope. That’s definitely a new one.”

Lady stood on Trish’s other side. “Any ideas on how that came to be?”

“Yep,” Dante said, jerking his thumb over his shoulder. “Found the summoning circle about a half mile back there. Whoever did it fucked up one of the runes. Instead of summoning and trapping, it would summon and meld. Looks like the lazy fuck who made it got bored when nothing happened and left. That little guy came along and…”

“You get a demon bunny,” Lady said, her voice flat.

“Yep, demon bunny,” Dante said in agreement.

The three hunters stood and watched it for a few minutes. “It’s not doing much is it?” Trish asked.

“Nope, pretty much just been foraging around since I found it,” Dante said.

The three felt a flash of magic to their left. They turned, seeing two slashes appear in the air. The slashes peeled back and Vergil stepped through. He was about 30 feet away. Dante grinned. “Vergil,” he called out. Vergil looked at Dante then looked down below the cliff. Vergil frowned. “Vergil,” Dante called out, his tone more desperate as he watched Vergil’s hand tighten on Yamato. “Verge,” Dante yelled. Vergil raised Yamato. “No, no, no,” Dante yelled as he ran toward Vergil. Before he could get there, Vergil cut two slashes in the air and disappeared through the portal that opened. The portal snapped shut before Dante could get there.

Dante sighed and walked back to Trish and Lady. “Well damnit. Should’ve expected that.” Trish quirked an eyebrow. “He’s still not over Mr. Hippity.”

“Mr. Hippity?” Lady asked.

Dante nodded. “We were five when Dad had something come up and was gone for a bit. Mom decided getting a family pet was a good way to cheer us up, teach us responsibility-all that good crap,” Dante explained. “I wanted a dog. Vergil decided for whatever reason he wanted a stupid rabbit. We got in a fight the morning we were supposed to go to the pet store. I broke Vergil’s nose, so Mom let him pick our family pet.”

“Hence Mr. Hippity?” Lady asked, a half smirk on her lips.

“Hence Mr. Hippity,” Dante said. “That rabbit was damned mean too. Tried to bite you if you touched him and so fucking loud. We couldn’t keep the hutch in our room cause you couldn’t sleep with the racket he made at night.” Dante chuckled. “Well Dad returned from dealing with his crap late at night. He found the hutch downstairs and let’s just say that was when I learned rabbits are like demon candy. They loooove them.”

“I’ve never partaken but that’s what I’ve heard,” Trish said, nodding.

“Wait,” Lady said. “Are you saying Sparda came home and ATE your family pet?”

“He thought Mom had gotten him a treat. He felt like garbage when he found out. Vergil was pissed but Mom was just done. No more family pets after that,” Dante explained.

“Wow,” Lady said. “Poor Vergil.”

“Yeah, he was a little moody for a bit after that,” Dante said. “Any ideas on what we should do with this?” Dante asked, motioning to the demon rabbit below.

“Well given that it’s the size of a rhinoceros-kill it,” Lady said, matter of factly.

They heard more crashing in the underbrush and three sets of eyes turned to see Nero come stumbling into the clearing. “There you guys are! I stopped by and Patty said you were taking care of a giant demon. Figured I’d stop by and give you guys a hand. Man, this place is remote. So where’s the big bad?”

Dante motioned to the cliff edge. “Take a peek.”

Nero moved up alongside Lady. His eyebrows went up. “Is that?”

“Yep, demon bunny,” Dante said flatly.

Nero shook his head. “Whelp, I’m outta here. See you guys back at the shop,” Nero said, turning away.

Dante frowned. “Whoa kid. What’s the hurry? Big bad-right there,” Dante said, motioning to the demonic rabbit.

“Nope, not gonna touch it,” Nero said. “All yours.”

“Why not kid?” Dante asked.

“Cause I’d like to continue to have a sex life, unlike you Uncle Dante.”

“And killing the big bad is gonna ruin that how?” Dante asked, his brow furrowing.

“Cause I tell Kyrie I killed a bunny and it’s over. No killing the cute things.”

“It’s not really cute,” Lady pointed out.

Trish nodded. “Yes, I’m fairly certain that it was a Behemoth that melded with it.”

“Trust me,” Nero said. “Kyrie is going to hear the word bunny and it’s over. No thank you. I’m out. You guys have fun,” Nero said, turning and walking away with a slight wave.

Dante watched him go. “Well that sucks.”

“Mm-hmm,” Trish said, nodding. She turned to Lady, her eyes widening. “Oh Lady, I forgot to mention, did you see that Marianne’s Boutique is having a sale? 40% off everything in the store.”

“No way!” Lady said. “I was by there the other day and saw this cute purple top. I was gonna grab it but couldn’t quite justify it.”

“Was it the one with the zippers?” Trish asked. Lady nodded. “Oooooh, that would look so cute on you. We should go see if they still have it.”

“Oh yeah, we totally should. Let’s do it,” Lady said. She looked at Dante. “I’ll stop by with the invoice tomorrow.”

“Invoice?” Dante asked. “For what?”

“My consultation fee,” Lady said, giving Dante a look.

“What consultation? I didn’t consult you.”

“Trish, did Dante ask me what to do about the demon bunny?” Lady asked.

Trish nodded. “Yes, Lady. He did.”

Lady looked at Dante with a strong look. “Ergo Dante, I have consulted on your job and you owe me a consultation fee.”

“This isn’t even a job!” Dante blurted out. “Someone reported seeing a giant demon. I was bored and checked it out.”

“Hmmm, maybe you should think twice before calling me out next time. My time is valuable after all. I’ll bring the invoice by after 11 tomorrow morning. See you,” Lady said, turning with a slight wave.

Trish patted Dante on the shoulder. “Time to go earn that Legendary Devil Hunter moniker.”

“What?” Dante exploded. “It’s not even doing anything. You know what it did when I went down there? It hopped away.”

Trish grinned. “Hmmm, sounds like you’ve got some thinking to do. I’ll leave you to it. I’ve got a store to ransack. See you later.”

Dante shook his head, watching Trish and Lady walk away. He looked down at the demonic bunny and frowned. “Ugh, this is pointless. I’m gonna go take a nap,” he muttered. He glared at the bunny. “Stay away from people and settlements or you’ll get killed,” he yelled out. The bunny ignored him, continuing to nose at the vegetation. Dante flicked his hand in a dismissive gesture and turned and walked away. His desk chair and a nap were calling and this was an expensive waste of time.

Below the bunny continued to forage, unconcerned with the world at large.

The End


End file.
